


The Good Guys Dress In Black (Remember That)

by rsadelle



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 02:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11453757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsadelle/pseuds/rsadelle
Summary: James and Eve investigate Urtokians in London. (A Men In Black AU.)





	The Good Guys Dress In Black (Remember That)

**Author's Note:**

> For theorajones who asked for "Bond and Moneypenny, MIB AU." Title from Will Smith's "Men In Black."

James held the Urtokian by the equivalent of its neck. Slippery buggers, but once you got them by the neck, they were easy enough to handle.

"James."

James looked over at Eve. Black dress, black heels, black handbag. She held out the bag.

James raised his eyebrows. "Miss Moneypenny. Your handbag?"

"A gift from Q."

"Ah. In that case." James dropped the Urtokian into the bag.

Eve closed the bag with a snap.

"Ladies and gentleman," James called to the onlookers. "If you'll gather around."

The onlookers did so. James pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket, and gave a second pair to Eve. They slipped them on, and then James pressed the button on the neuralyzer.

*

James and Eve deposited the handbag and the Urtokian it contained with the head of holding - her name had a number of consonants unpronounceable by human vocal cords, and so the human agents tended to avoid using it - and continued on through the building.

"Urtokians haven't been active here in years," Eve said.

"No, they haven't." James held a door for her. "But I know someone who might know something about that." He held the next door, and then they were in the middle of Q Branch. A quick glance around located Q leaning over a car with one of his techs.

James leaned on the car next to Q. Eve stood a bit apart from the car, but stretched her hand out to rest on it next to James.

"007, Eve," Q greeted them with a nod.

"Q," James said.

"The handbag proved effective," Eve said. "Urtokian."

"Urtokian," Q said. He frowned, and then understanding cleared his face. "No, oh no."

"Q," James said in his best dignified wheedling tone.

"No." Q crossed his arms over his chest. "No. You are not to bother them."

Eve closed in on Q, helping James pin him between them and the car. "Urtokians haven't been active here in years."

"We need to know what's happening, Q," James said. "They could put untold lives in danger if we don't."

"You get ten minutes, supervised," Q allowed with a grim slant to his mouth.

*

James took Eve to dinner before their appointed supervised visit. She was still new as far as it went, and he felt a duty to educate her on the ways of the world.

They went to a mixed restaurant, where the kitchen staff consisted of one human and a nest's worth of Liaa'alia'ans and the wait staff hailed from a dozen worlds flung throughout the universe. They insisted on strict professionalism from their staff and did a mean steak frites.

"They came all the way across the universe for this," Eve commented when their food arrived.

"You haven't tasted it yet," James said. "You might find it's worth it."

The corners of Eve's eyes crinkled up although she tried to repress her smile.

James insisted on driving - he'd been in a car with Eve behind the wheel before - and they arrived two minutes early.

Q left them on the doorstep until the exact minute he'd told them to arrive. Only then did he open the door and grudgingly allow them in. "Ten minutes."

"Of course," James answered.

Q eyed him suspiciously, but led them into a room with a sofa, a coffee table, and a desk against the windows. "007 and Eve are going to ask you some questions. They won't be here long."

James crouched down in front of the couch where a pair of what appeared to be tabby cats lounged in indolent repose. "There are Urtokians in London."

"Are there?" One of the seeming tabbies asked. James wasn't sure which one; he never could tell them apart.

Eve crouched down next to James. "We expect you already know that."

The cats looked just as smug as real cats.

"We need to know what they're doing here. They're a danger," James said. He glanced over his shoulder at Q. "They're a danger to your landlord."

The cats hissed, although it was without the raised hackles and hair standing on end that would have come with the sound in real cats.

"As much as I am loath to admit it," Q said, "it would help me if you could answer their questions."

The cats spoke to each other in what weren't quite meows.

"Urtokians only come here if their breeding grounds are threatened and someone sends them in this direction," one of the cats said.

"Look at the Vaktusians," the other suggested.

James nodded. "Thank you." He and Eve stood. "Not even ten minutes."

"Yes, I appreciate your timeliness," Q said. "I'll escort you from the premises."

*

"Vaktusians," M said. "Christ, what a nightmare." He gestured at Tanner. "Do we have anyone in the region?"

"009," Tanner answered. "Likes the music."

"Right," M said. "Get him on it. 007, I want you close to home. If there are any more Urtokians around, I want to know about it."

"Certainly, sir." James inclined his head at Eve. "Permission to take Miss Moneypenny along."

M turned his regard on Eve. It was a bit intense to be the subject of an Oo-akalak's singular focus. "Granted. 007 is primary on this."

"Of course, sir."

*

James and Eve found three more Urtokians near where James found the first one, and the beginnings of a breeding pod.

Eve snapped her handbag closed over the third of the Urtokians and joined James in looking down on the pod. "That's going to require an entire team."

"Unfortunately, yes." James called it in, and leaned against a conveniently placed wall with an eye to keeping civilians away from the area.

Eve leaned against a different wall, handbag hooked over her elbow.

It took nearly twenty minutes for the cleanup team to arrive, during which time Eve was propositioned by half a dozen people and James by three. The last was quite persistent, and he kept eyeing up Eve as well. James resisted the urge to use the neuralyzer on him.

James and Eve left the pod to the cleanup team and returned to headquarters, where Eve insisted on swinging by Q Branch before they report to M.

"The handbag is a gem," she said to Q. "Have you considered multiple compartments?"

It was a gentle suggestion that glossed over the trouble they'd had containing the third Urtokian without releasing the first two.

"We'll look into it," Q promised her.

They reported to M next.

"Good work," M said when they'd finished. "The Ng'ng'ngs have taken charge of any roaming Urtokians and are negotiating on their behalf with the Vaktusians. You're back on regular duty." He handed a file to James and gestured them out of his office.

"Thank you, James." Eve took a seat behind her desk outside M's office. "Always a pleasure to get out of the office for a bit."

James leaned on it, file held loosely in one hand. "The pleasure was all mine. Care for a drink later?"

There was a touch of smugness to Eve's answering smile. "Certainly."

James tapped the file against her desk. "I'll see you this evening." He strode out of the office.

"Looking forward to it," Eve called after him.


End file.
